I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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