that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
