He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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