Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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