I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
