they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
