I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize