Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
