I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
