dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She bit a glass in half.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
