you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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