I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
