Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
