Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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