pop tarts are not kleenex
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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