Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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