genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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