ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
i think my cat just said my name.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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