alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
