Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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