last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
