if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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