I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
