I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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