I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
