im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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