its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
we're making bets on your personal life
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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