it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
