he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
