Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
