i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
