so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
