a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
