I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
