Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
