his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
