I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
