What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
