Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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