last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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