Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
