I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
