he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
