O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
