it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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