It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
