Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
