omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
