Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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