He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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