I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Randomize
