you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
