I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
