I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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