I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize