Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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