You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
