ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
