This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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