Your tits are I can't wait for
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
