Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
