Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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