she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
