last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
