I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
