ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Randomize
