Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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