I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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