when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
