I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize