just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So much rum. So many feels.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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